Yoshi Review

Yoshi (NES)
Developed by Game Freak
Published by Nintendo
Released June 1, 1992
Review Written July 13, 2013

What happens when Mario mistreats Yoshi? The times he’s used him to get over gaps; sacrifices must be made. Mario never apologizes; Yoshi never forgets. Always brushing it off and moving on with his life, Mario never thought there’d be any repercussions for his actions. This all changed in the game Yoshi for the NES, where you play as Mario trapped in some sick, twisted Saw-esque puzzle game. You play to survive while Yoshi sits back and laughs at your failures. Yoshi watches with a vengeful smile as he attempts to burry you in corpses of enemies fallen to the Italian plumber.

Yoshi! You sick bastard, why don’t you just let him free so that he can spend one more day with his beloved Princess before she gets kidnapped again!!!

Stuck at the bottom of a pit with a television screen showing Yoshi’s perverse face, Mario is tasked with matching up corpses of Goombas, Boos, Bloopers, and Piranha Plants. Not only must he rid his would be tomb of corpses, but he must also help create eggs for Yoshi. What is the purpose of the eggs? Why must Mario make them by hand where as Yoshi has the ability to make them easily by eating? My guess is that the eggs are the key to Mario’s escape. Survive the death pit, create eggs, and when a certain quota has been met then maybe Yoshi will release him. Or he’ll let him rot for eternity.

Poor Mario, trapped in an unforgiveable hell he must survive while a soundtrack of Yoshi’s choosing plays. Almost like a death theme, Yoshi increases the speed of the music with the increased dropping of corpses. Twisted? Yes, it is very twisted.

PINK?! What the hell did you do to change the color Mario? Is your freedom forthcoming?

Feeling sick to my stomach after watching Mario flail for survival, I could never help him reach asylum. No matter how hard I tried I would always lose Mario at the bottom of a pile of remains. At each loss, Yoshi would be there. Grinning, smiling, shaking with fervor; Yoshi is victorious in his scheme of revenge. A grim game such as this only has place on my collection shelf and not in my console, and so I award it only a 3/5. I’m much more of a Dr. Mario or Tetris type of guy anyhow so I wouldn’t even recommend picking up this twisted creation to you other gamers out there.

Review Written by John of The Time Heist

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